Smile, This Is Parenthood

Smiley Vest: Avalon; Choker: Hot Topic; Jeans: Forever 21; Off-shoulder Top: H&M; Shoes: Luichiny
It’s 2am, or something like that. You gave up on looking at the clock a long time ago, since it doesn’t really matter. You haven’t slept more than 3 hours at a time in weeks. Your body feels as if it’s been hit by a truck. You head hurts. You’re hungry, but too tired to eat. You want to wear something cute to work the next day, but are too exhausted to plan an outfit. You feel like crying because you can’t see any reprieve in sight. When you’re a parent, there are no “days off.” Not that you especially want one, because you miss your kids like crazy when you’re not with them. What you want is for time to stop, for you to be able to get some real, restorative sleep for as long as necessary, and then to resume your life, with energy to have fun with your family. You start to wonder how much money you would pay someone for sleep. You have a stroke of genius about an idea for a new business: a service that allows you to “buy” sleep. You start practicing your Shark Tank pitch for the sleep-buying company. You start drifting off. . .

And then, you hear it. The squeals from your 3 month old, letting you know she’s either hungry, wet, unhappy, or all of the above. You take a deep breath, silently pray that the crying will stop, and when it doesn’t, you get up. You go over to her bassinet, look at her adorable face and do what you need to do to calm her. You hold her just a few extra seconds, because as much as you're done with the whole not-sleeping-through-the-night stage, you know at some point, you will miss her being so small. You lay back down, again praying she will stay quiet for a little while longer. You pray for the strength to get through this. You pray for morning to come, because then you can give up the façade of sleeping since you’re supposed to be awake anyway. You just pray. 

You think about your life. The awful, like the bone-crushing sleep deprivation you never knew existed. The sweet, like the mercifully calm moments you spent with your older daughter watching your favorite childhood unicorn movie. And the amazing, like the knowledge that you have people in your life who you love - and who love you back - more than you could ever express. Despite the insanity of learning to live off naps and oatmeal dinners, you know you are blessed. A smile begins to tug at your lips, remembering how it felt to watch your husband play with our daughters. How oddly special you feel, hearing your older daughter ask hopefully any time you go anywhere (bathroom included), "Can I come, too?" How you pick up your youngest daughter as soon as you get home from work, and try to hold her until you have to leave again the next morning (or her father starts to want a turn). Then, as the last coherent thoughts form before you completely collapse, you start working on your sleep buying company again. “Hello, Sharks. I’m Carmen. I'm seeking $500,000 for a 5% equity stake in my company, Sleep On Demand. Have you ever been up at 2am. . .”

Smile. This is parenthood, or at least my version of it.

When you look at these gals, it's impossible not to smile.
Ruby doing. . .Ruby.
Flora wearing Pineapple Of My Eye moccasins c/o Cherubin.
A vest with smiley faces all over it doesn't hurt, either.

P. S. If you think Flora's handmade leather moccasins are cute, you have to see the whole collection from Cherubin. You can get 20% off your purchase using the promo code RubyZipper through 9/15/16!


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